The next two posts from her Early days
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Update on my little shadow
Have you ever walked or driven down a road thinking you knew where you was then suddenly realized you are hopelessly lost? Searching endlessly for something familiar in your surroundings only to find your still lost? Do you turn around and go back the way you came? Or do you go on hoping that eventually you will find the place you seek?
Well after two days of chasing my little shadow, I am hopelessly lost and must sit back and ponder my options. Even as I sit back and try to ignore her she taunts and teases, she’s trying to get me to follow her further from the comforts I called home. But she’s not alone in her taunting because the old way is just as loud and demanding, probably more so because there is the comfort of familiarity back there. Or I could just sit here and learn to enjoy this new place I’m in.
My little shadow has placed a new guide in my path, with a freindly hand the new guide beckons me to go forward. She tells me ‘your path will come back till you follow’ . With a weary and exhausted mind and spirit I look back at years gone by and yes I can see moments in time like a movie rewinding where the path has beckoned before, even times when I began the trip but alas the road was to long and I turned back. My shadow found the perfect soul to bring me this far, but now that he has left I again must pause and evaluate is this trip worth making alone?
As I sit under a tree peering at the roads ahead I wonder am I strong enough to make the right choice and why must there be three. The first road will take me way back to where I was long ago, sitting alone trying to find peace that is not there, knowing I must journey to find it. The second path is blocked full of the remains of my broken heart, I could sit here and rest and see if he comes back for me, he’s on the other side being pulled as well. I don’t want him back but I feel the need to help him back on his path. Then there is the new path with my new guide standing there patiently with her hand held out to lead me.
I know if I want my little shadow, I must reach out and take the hand of my new guide. She is now with the guide no longer with him, the one that introduced us. As frightening as it is I know the new road is the one I must follow, the only problem is every time I take those first steps He reaches out and screams for me to wait, I feel it in my heart and soul that our paths are not yet to part, our journey is not to end here. Our paths joined for a reason and it is not complete, but I must ask is this the place they need to rejoin? I can not sit here and wait much longer, decisions must be made. Then why do I wait? I have to change the future.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Choices to make-stay or follow my little shadow
The quest for ‘my little shadow’ continues. I sat at the crossroad pondering my choices. From the start I knew the road back could not be taken. I’d come to far to go back there but still the two remaining paths beckoned me to follow them. My mind wants to follow the new path, so many helping hands now appearing guide my way.
The problem is my heart is still laying there shattered on the other path, how can I go on without it? I still hear him calling, still I feel his touch on my soul. I can not change the way things went. He was the one that chose to veer off our path together to join a new one with her, and in between us is what’s left of my heart, can I really leave it there?
As I’ve considered my options little did I realize I was picking up pieces first the larger then some of the smaller till I had collected much of my heart in my hands. No it’s not whole, shattered is shattered and no matter how much I manage to collect he will always have part of it with him. Will he know? Will he care? I don’t know. Will he ever return them so I can again be whole? Probably not but maybe he needs them more then I. It’s not like I had all of it before I met him. Mike took so much of it with him when he died. So I figure what the heck pick up what I can, and see what I can salvage of this mess.
My little shadow is there calling me, I know she has her special form of magic, magic that heals and restores. Maybe her magic will make me whole or closer to whole then I am now. She is my gift and if I stay focused on her then I know this crossroad will soon fade into the past.
With fear I slowly inch towards the new path my little shadow is taking me on. Today I am barely able to drag myself on my belly tomorrow maybe I’ll learn how to crawl. It’s new, and it’s scarey I’m alone on this journey at least for now. With any luck I will find others along the path to share the fear of the unknown. I do not rule out that my path may someday cross with his once again. I would not be suprised to find him up the road. For now though I must travel alone.
Buy phentermine cod….
Phentermine. Xenical hgh phentermine quit smoking detox….
Trackback by Phentermine weight loss. — June 25, 2008 @ 3:06 am
Miacalcin….
Miacalcin. Miacalcin and nephrolithiasis….
Trackback by Cheap miacalcin. — June 25, 2008 @ 4:33 am
Soma intimates….
Psyche and soma operate as a duality. Soma drug history. Ashes of soma lyrics. Soma fm….
Trackback by Addiction to soma. — June 25, 2008 @ 3:54 pm
Free online casinos http://www.free-onlinecasinos.org….
Online casinos http://www.free-onlinecasinos.org….
Trackback by Free online casinos www.free-onlinecasinos.org. — June 25, 2008 @ 4:01 pm
Buy fioricet online that ships to missouri….
Buy fioricet….
Trackback by Buy fioricet. — June 25, 2008 @ 5:01 pm
Geodon for ocd….
Geodon activatin. Geodon….
Trackback by Geodon. — June 25, 2008 @ 6:41 pm
Generic of nexium….
Generic of nexium. Problems with taking nexium. Nexium doseage. Nexium….
Trackback by Generic nexium. — June 25, 2008 @ 11:13 pm
Drug soma….
Soma online next day….
Trackback by Soma half ironman. — June 26, 2008 @ 6:16 am
Cialis….
Cialis online. Dangers cialis and cocaine. Using cialis. Buy cialis. Cialis effects. Generic cialis apcalis price comparison. Cialis….
Trackback by Cialis best price buy online. — June 26, 2008 @ 8:17 am
Tramadol….
Tramadol maintenance. Tramadol hcl. Tramadol. Cheapest tramadol….
Trackback by Tramadol. — June 26, 2008 @ 3:00 pm
Nurse recruitment….
Nurse holoiday recruitment. Nurse recruitment. Nurse holiday recruitment. Nurse recruitment nsw….
Trackback by Hospital nurse recruitment. — June 26, 2008 @ 3:45 pm
Prednisone….
Prednisone. Purchase prednisone suppositories. Prednisone works. Side effects of prednisone. Prednisone side effects. Side effect of prednisone. Bad side effects of prednisone. Prednisone dose pack….
Trackback by Hearing loss prednisone. — June 26, 2008 @ 5:45 pm
Tramadol….
Buy tramadol online cod. Tramadol. Side effects tramadol….
Trackback by Tramadol. — June 26, 2008 @ 6:24 pm
Ultram sale….
Ultram sale. Ultram drug ultram sale ultram online pharmacy….
Trackback by Ultram sale. — June 26, 2008 @ 9:04 pm
Difference between prilosec and nexium….
Nexium reactions. Problems with taking nexium. Nexium free offer. Nexium. Nexium vs. protonix. Nexium pregnancy category….
Trackback by Nexium damage. — June 27, 2008 @ 5:08 am
Phentermine risk….
Phentermine phentermine. Phentermine….
Trackback by Phentermine. — June 27, 2008 @ 9:24 am
Forced sex video clips forced sex videos….
Forced sex videos….
Trackback by Forced sex. — June 27, 2008 @ 2:08 pm
Hydrocodone….
Hydrocodone. Buy hydrocodone online without a prescription….
Trackback by Hydrocodone. — June 27, 2008 @ 2:15 pm
Phentermine….
Purchase phentermine….
Trackback by Phentermine 37 5mg. — June 27, 2008 @ 2:59 pm
Buy azithromycin doxycycline….
Perscribed doxycycline for. Doxycycline cat reaction. Doxycycline for urinary track infections. Doxycycline usp. Doxycycline hyclate used for strep throat. Doxycycline….
Trackback by Doxycycline. — June 27, 2008 @ 3:49 pm
Tramadol 180….
Tramadol 180. Hydrocodone vs tramadol….
Trackback by Tramadol. — June 27, 2008 @ 4:33 pm
Plavix side effects reactions….
Plavix associated bleeding. Class action plavix. Gp 2b 3a inhibitors plavix. Plavix. Plavix and niacin….
Trackback by Plavix. — June 27, 2008 @ 7:01 pm
Xeloda news nov 2006….
Xeloda. Xeloda news nov 2006….
Trackback by Xeloda news nov 2006. — June 27, 2008 @ 9:33 pm
Valium and internet….
Interresults valium. Crush valium to inject. Valium….
Trackback by Valium cash on delivery. — June 28, 2008 @ 3:28 am
Fioricet sale….
Fioricet sale….
Trackback by Fioricet sale. — June 28, 2008 @ 7:56 am
Xanax norx needed one day fedex overnight delivery….
Xanax bars. Buy xanax online. Xanax norx needed one day fedex overnight delivery. Xanax….
Trackback by Xanax. — June 28, 2008 @ 3:30 pm
Fioricet c.o.d…..
Fioricet….
Trackback by Cheap fioricet and one day delivery. — June 29, 2008 @ 4:44 am
Percocet….
Percocet. Percocet for anxiety….
Trackback by Percocet. — June 29, 2008 @ 6:44 am
Discount phentermine….
Phentermine….
Trackback by Phentermine. — June 29, 2008 @ 8:07 am
Phentermine….
Phentermine online. Phentermine pregnancy….
Trackback by Cheap phentermine free shipping. — June 29, 2008 @ 2:08 pm
Order xanax online….
Pharmacy order generic xanax….
Trackback by Cheap no prescription xanax order online. — June 29, 2008 @ 2:57 pm
Fioricet….
Cheap fioricet and one day delivery. Buy fioricet bloghoster. Fioricet. Cheap fioricet. Fioricet message board….
Trackback by Fioricet plain pill. — June 29, 2008 @ 5:11 pm
Buy tramadol….
Buy tramadol online cod. Diet pill tape worm buy tramadol now….
Trackback by Buy tramadol online cod. — June 29, 2008 @ 5:19 pm
Asian anal sex….
Asian men for sex now. Asian shemale sex. Gay asian male sex. Free asian sex movies. Asian sex videos….
Trackback by Free asian sex. — June 29, 2008 @ 7:31 pm
Doxycycline….
Doxycycline side effects. Doxycycline….
Trackback by Doxycycline acne. — June 29, 2008 @ 8:29 pm
Valtrex….
Valtrex. Dosage for valtrex. Valtrex side effects. Coupon valtrex….
Trackback by Valtrex side effects. — June 29, 2008 @ 10:46 pm
Apap codeine….
Hydro codeine. Buy 222 codeine. Acetaminophen-codeine 3. Codeine. 50 mg codeine phosphate equivalent….
Trackback by Codeine. — June 30, 2008 @ 7:40 am
Purinethol….
Purinethol side effects. Pdr purinethol side effects….
Trackback by Pdr purinethol side effects. — June 30, 2008 @ 1:03 pm
Lowest price for phentermine….
Phentermine. Phentermine prescription. Phentermine no prescription. Online phentermine….
Trackback by Phentermine diet pills. — June 30, 2008 @ 3:10 pm
Xanax….
Xanax withdrawal. Half-life of xanax. Xanax no prescription. Xanax. Geniric xanax. Xanax without prescription….
Trackback by Side effects of drug xanax. — June 30, 2008 @ 3:34 pm
Buy soma online….
Soma online sales. Link domain purchase online soma a biz. Soma online soma buy soma online. Soma online. Cheap watson soma online. Soma online next day….
Trackback by Cheap watson soma online. — June 30, 2008 @ 4:00 pm
Boobs….
Lanas boobs. Boobs….
Trackback by Boobs. — June 30, 2008 @ 4:16 pm
Viagra for sale in united states….
By mail sale viagra….
Trackback by Viagra sale viagra uk cheap generic viagra. — June 30, 2008 @ 4:44 pm
Urispas….
Urispas….
Trackback by Urispas. — July 1, 2008 @ 1:32 am
Buy hydrocodone online….
Hydrocodone. Hydrocodone online. Getting off hydrocodone while pregnant. Buy hydrocodone online without a prescription….
Trackback by Buy hydrocodone with no rx. — July 1, 2008 @ 3:17 pm
Soma online….
Buy soma online without rx. Buy soma online….
Trackback by Soma online sales. — July 1, 2008 @ 3:29 pm
Tramadol c.o.d…..
Tramadol. What is tramadol….
Trackback by Tramadol. — July 1, 2008 @ 3:35 pm
Information on zanaflex….
Zanaflex….
Trackback by What treatment for zanaflex. — July 1, 2008 @ 7:05 pm
Codeine acetametaphen….
Online pharmacy codeine 222. Apap w codeine elx….
Trackback by Online pharmacy codeine 222. — July 1, 2008 @ 7:41 pm
Buy codeine online….
Canadian codeine on line. Liquid codeine how to make. Codeine….
Trackback by Tylenol codeine side effects. — July 2, 2008 @ 4:23 am
Hydrocodone….
Hydrocodone apap. Hydrocodone bitartrate….
Trackback by Hydrocodone guaifenesin syreth. — July 2, 2008 @ 7:57 am
Viramune….
Viramune….
Trackback by Viramune. — July 2, 2008 @ 8:34 am
Tramadol….
Tramadol for dogs side effects. Tramadol. Ultram tramadol. Tramadol maintence….
Trackback by Tramadol abuse. — July 2, 2008 @ 5:03 pm
Percocet….
Percocet without a prescription cheap. Difference between percocet and ultracet….
Trackback by Bioavailability of percocet. — July 2, 2008 @ 10:04 pm
Instant payday loan….
1000 loan payday. Georgia payday loan bloghoster. Why can t i get a payday loan. Payday loan. Payday loan poulsbo. Gfs global payday loan. Payday loan laws….
Trackback by American payday loan websites. — July 3, 2008 @ 9:52 am
Phentermine….
Phentermine….
Trackback by Phentermine. — July 3, 2008 @ 10:35 am
Buy soma watson brand online 150 tablets….
Buy soma. Buy soma cheap….
Trackback by Buy soma. — July 3, 2008 @ 4:39 pm
Xanax overnight….
Xanax overdose. Xanax valium. Beer and xanax. Xanax. Xanax side effects. Buy xanax online without a prescription….
Trackback by Xanax. — July 4, 2008 @ 12:04 am
Omnicef antibiotic….
Omnicef….
Trackback by Omnicef. — July 4, 2008 @ 6:57 am
Generic viagra….
Viagra. Pictures of viagra. Purchase viagra. Generic viagra. Side effects of viagra….
Trackback by Viagra description. — July 4, 2008 @ 1:27 pm